And after all you’re my wonder wall
And after all you’re my wonder wall
Knowing that I’ll spend may 28th with him and that I only have two more to get through alone is making this time apart a little easier :)
Now I just have to plan the perfect day for my love! When I get lonely I’ll just remind myself this and the fact that he has a plan. He is the most intelligent man I know and I just have to continue to have faith in him as well as in us.
I just have to stay positive because I’ve got this :)
Esteban, I love you. And I know you love me too. I think it says something that we can never stay away from each other for long. We always find our way back. Every single time I picture my future you are the man I’m with. We are perfect for each other. I’m so in love with who you are. There are so many adventures I want to go on with you. You really are my Carl butthead. That’s why I’m fighting so hard. I know in my heart we are the real thing. I want to be the woman that walks toward you down the aisle with my hair a curly mess just like you like it. I want to be the mother of your children and we could read them to sleep every night. I want to wake up and make you breakfast before you have to go to work. I want to climb a mountain with you and clutch your hand while riding a roller coaster. I want to see your sweet smile everyday. The best part is that we don’t need to change. We both love each other just they way we are. Im ready to motivate you and keep you from getting into that hole you have dug yourself. Right now I’m ready to pull you out of it I just need you to fight too. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t force you to stop being friends with her or forbid you to ever see her again. In our past relationship I might have been insecure with that, but I’m really done with that. Once we get through this I’ll have no reason to ever worry again. If you think about it though she is really the only thing we ever disagree about. Even in our past relationship we went six months without ever fighting. We have always been so in love with each other. You are right that we needed this, but I think we have both learned from it. I guess I’ve just learn ed recently that forever might not be as long as we think it is. We think we have all this tome to figure everything out, but what if we dont?This lady at work just unexpectedly lost her husband and when I heard I immediately thought of losing you in that way. I couldnt even breathe thinking about it. Instead i clutched onto your ring. I don’t want to waste anytime with you butthead. I want to go on dates and spend hours picking out the right outfit and getting ready. I want to really date you. I really do think it’s time for the reunion of the lovelies. You should be here with me in our bed telling me to move from your side and to give you your cuddle pillow lol I want to tickle you until it turns into something more. I want you to hold me again so everything be right again. I just want everything to be okay again. This is the only thing I will ask from you. Give us the chance we deserve if it wasnt meant to be we would have been able to stay away from each other. I think you know in your head and heart I’m right and even though you aren’t used to being wrong I think it’s time to face the facts :)
You are holding my entire heart butthead please be careful with it.
You are the only one for me Esteban Isaiah Nazario. As cheesy as it sounds you really are my better half, my best friend, and the love of my life. Please don’t let me go.
Seems that he has fallen asleep. He has been working so hard and I really am proud of him :) going to EMT school and working so many hours. Those kids are really lucky to have him guiding them. He is honestly the most intelligent man I know.
Today I was really productive! Workout, took Adds to the groomers, vets, petco, bought stuff for working out, chipotle!, read/ played with boogs, worked out again, and I just finished watching a documentary that might have made me tear up a little lol
As far as the last couple months of 28ths this is probably the best. I’m out of bed and I’m not starving myself. I’m also not tricking myself into thinking I’m completely okay. Escaping feelings doesn’t work. You are going to feel what you feel. I’m so in love with this man. Even though we needed this time apart I’m not going to fool myself into thinking it doesn’t hurt. I tried and that didn’t workout so well. Sometimes I can be a bit selfish about the whole thing, but I shouldn’t be. Of course I want nothing more than to be able to move forward with the man I love, but he isn’t ready. He’s the one who gets to be selfish right now. I’m going to be the girl who stood by him through everything. Sometimes it blows my mind how much I’ve fallen in love with that silly boy working at jelly jolt.
I really do hope we get to make that trip to Georgia rather soon. It really would be the best time. I could go hiking and swimming with him! And learn how to cook him dinner. I’m going to stop rambling on here now though and I’ll day dream myself to sleep hopefully. I really do need to stop falling asleep at 6am. My under eyes are looking terrible :(
I’m shutting up now! Bye!
Would have been 21 months. Here’s to staying busy all day!
So I messed up tonight. I need to stop being weak and pull it together. I just wanted to hold his hand so badly again. I’m such a girl with all these feelings. I just have to believe in us enough for the both of us right now. I just get sad when I have to leave him. I just wanted to keep walking around listening to him talk and seeing his adorable smile. I really am so in love with him. I just wish I could hold him instead of constantly clutching at his ring.
Cool, thirty minutes until its the 28th.
I get to see him tonight!!! :)
…… I might be just a little excited. Lol